You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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