So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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