I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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