dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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