Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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