someone owes me an orgasm
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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