Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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