The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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