im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
