i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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