After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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