cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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