just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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