Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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