This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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