once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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