If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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