I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
