Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
