You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
