...so i touched it.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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