I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
