what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
