I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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