Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
