ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
