I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize