It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
