so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
