my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
