Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
