Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
