Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize