Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
