You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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