She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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