If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
