ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
