pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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