Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
