You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
