I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
