Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
