i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
