hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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