Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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