I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
