why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
