I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
