i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
