Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
