He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
