I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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