I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
