The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
