wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's shark week go big or go home
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
