I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
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She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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