Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
