I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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