First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Are we still banned from the library?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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