we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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