he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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